All about women: Funnies

[Deleted]

In the interest of equality:
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"Dear Mother-in-Law


Please don't try to tell me how to raise my kids - I'm married to one of
yours and believe me there's room for improvement!


Sincerely
Your Daughter-in-Law"

[deyana]

Good one!

[Deleted]

World Views of Couples:

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[Deleted]

All the hollywood types look plain like us sans the makeup and tucks and ups

[deyana]

I'd like to think I'm not Spacen

nycank, yes, Hollywood without makeup are just ordinary people just like everyone else...but with a whole lot more money!

[Deleted]

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr. in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MENtal illness !

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUYnecologist

AND
When we have REAL trouble, it's a.. HISterectomy.


Remember, You Don't Stop Laughing Because You Grow Old, You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing

[Deleted]

Scotch with two drops of water.

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'

The bartender says,'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says,'Thank you.

Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.''Coming up,' says the bartender.




As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says,'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says,'Thank you.

Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says,'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies,'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

[deyana]

;D

Growing old sucks big time.

[Deleted]

Womanese

[deyana]

;D

I've seen this before, it is funny.

[Deleted]

So dont read Cosmo, just as I dont read GQ, MEN etc.

[deyana]

I've looked at it once or twice, and only just skimmed through it, just out of curiosity. It does make you wonder how many take this kind of thing seriously.

[Deleted]

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life... The wives want both!

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Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to
get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

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No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with these 4 things in life.
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because there is always a better model in neighborhood.

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Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result,`Good day sir, Even we are searching`.

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Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than
your ego!

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Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house
for 5 years. Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!

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Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling
single again.

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A friend recently explained why he refuses to get married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.
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It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she
love the most; and when a man does that... the slide show begins.

[Deleted]

Well !!!!!

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The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills."Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks..................................And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

[deyana]

Jul 4, 2011 5:09:32 GMT -5 @nycank said:

Well !!!!!

;D Not sure about number though.

[Deleted]

A lady manager of a big reputed company to the new joinee -

"What is your name?"

"John," the new guy replied.

She scowled,"Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed,"Darling............ My name is John Darling."


She kept quiet for a minute,

"Okay John, u r welcome ...."

[slowhand]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and pleads,"Please come over here and help me I have a killer jigsaw puzzel, but I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks,"What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says,"According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

[Deleted]

Thanks for the laugh

[deyana]

The new guy sighed,"Darling............ My name is John Darling."

hahaha...