Three things you should never say

[deyana]

Describe a scene and the next poster writes down three things that should never be said in response to it.


I'll start:

You and a friend are sitting outside under an apple tree, an apple falls off a tree and hits your friend on the head really hard.

[Deleted]

Ouch I bet that hurt.
If you are not going to eat it can I.
Mmmmh Eve tempted Adam with an apple - can I tempt you.;D


This gorgeous girl is sitting at a bar. As she stands up her pants slides down her legs.

[deyana]

(good ones, Ruth!)


I bet she did that on purpose!

Well, she's sure to get a date now.

She could at least have waited until she got home!


You bump into someone famous and after taking a closer look you realize most of their face is fake.

[slowhand]

Sorry, it was my fault

Where did you get your driving licence, from a cornflake packet ?

I could have stopped if I didnt have that last drink

You are walking through town and you see a chap about to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge

[deyana]

(very funny, slowhand);D



'Hey wait! Let me just get my camera in focus.'

'Show off!'

'wait, wait, wait....I might be able to help'. And then you stand at the bottom of the bridge, arms stretched out to catch him.


Your in a meeting and the woman next to you lets out a very loud, smelly, fart.

[Deleted]

I guess we know who had brussel sprouts for dinner.
Sound the fire alarm there is some hazardous chemicals in the building.
Would you like to be excused dear?

Walking down a busy high street and the guy walking in front of you suddenly stops, unzips and pees in front of you.

[deyana]

Ruth:;D

[deyana]

Blimey.....so THAT's the other use for it.

Very, very impressive I must say! Can you do that again please?

Disgusting! How would you like it if someone did that in front of you, moron?*takes knickers down and pees in front of him*. There! that's shown you!


You're high up in an aero-plane and the man sitting next to you asks if you'd like to join him in the 'mile high club' room.

[Deleted]

No thanks I don't go for midgets.
First tell me the size of your shoes so I can make up my mind.
Who let the dogs out.

You are getting it on with the person you fancy and your mom walks in

[slowhand]

Hey mum, wanna make it a threesome...

Hey mum, fetch me the handcuffs from the bottom drawer...

I know she looks young but she will be 16 next month...

You see a fat lady size 24 in a dress shop trying on a size 16..........

[Deleted]

Eeeuw Slowhand - not your mum.

Hey luv you won't even get one thigh in there.
Sweetheart we all want to look in a mirror and see ourselves 4 sizes smaller - but I have to tell you it aint going to happen
Uhmmm luvvie you are kidding yourself.

A person of the same sex offers to pay you a million pounds if you would sleep with them.....

[deyana]

Oh okay, why not, as long as I can keep my clothes on

Can my boyfriend join us?

Eeewww.....for get it! I wouldn't touch with someone's else's bargepole. Yucky!!


Your neighbor is walking her dog and lets it loose just as she passes your garden to let it crap, all over your beautiful lawn.

[Deleted]

At least your dog smells better than you.
Teaching him your old tricks?
I'll come by later, I have a bunch of old sheep manure that needs dumping.


Sitting in a restaurant, the man in front of you sneezes all over your main dish.

[Deleted]

For £$"* sake.
Really darling I did not request any sauce for my chicken.
Would you like to take it back.

You are trying on underwear in a department store unisex change room and this hot guy/girl mistakenly comes into your cubicle.

[deyana]

'And I always thought you were gay!'

'You're in the wrong cubicle - she's next door'

'I don't think these would suit you dear'




You are sitting on a bench and a guy slips and falls off his skateboard right in front of you, landing on his behind.


'

[deyana]

"ooh... nice move"

"Who taught you to drive?"

"Good job you have plenty of cushioning!"


You agree to go on a blind day, only to find he/she works at the local strip club