Little Johnny jokes

[johnnylee]

The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count. When it was Johnny’s turn, the teacher asked what came after the number ten. Johnny replied,“That’s easy. A Jack.”

[johnnylee]

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says,“No honey for you for one month!” Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.“That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says,“Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

[johnnylee]

Teacher:“You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Johnny:“I know miss. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could.”

[johnnylee]

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said,"Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied,"NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

[johnnylee]

Little Johnny and Silly Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world."My Father is better than your Father!" Billy declared."No, he's not!" Johnny responded."My brother is better than you brother!" Billy said."He is not! He is not!" yelled Little Johnny."My Mother is better than your Mother!" Billy continued. A long pause ensued, then Little Johnny said,"Well, I guess ya got me there. I've heard my father say the same thing more than once."

[johnnylee]

Little Johnny:"I got 100 in school today."

Mother:"Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?"

Little Johnny:"Two things - I got 50 in spelling and 50 in history."

Mother:"Well, at least you can add!"

[johnnylee]

Teacher:"Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it."

Little Johnny:"When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail!"

[johnnylee]

Teacher:"Did your parents help you with these homework problems?"

Little Johnny:"No I got them all wrong by myself!"

[johnnylee]

Little Johnny:"I'm not going back to school ever again!"

Mom:"Why not?"

Little Johnny:"The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!"

[johnnylee]

Little Johnny asks his mother for $20. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping."

Johnny's mother says "Ok Johnny, here is 20 dollars. Now, what did your father say to the maid?"

Johnny replies "Hey Doris, can you make sure that I have a clean shirt for tomorrow."

[johnnylee]

The teacher says,“I’m glad to see your writing has improved.”
Little Johnny grins and replies,“Thank you!”
Frowning, the teacher adds,“However, now I can see how bad your spelling is!”

[johnnylee]

I asked little Johnny,"What would you like for your birthday?"

He said,"Tampons please."

I said,"Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!?"

He replied,"I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing."

[johnnylee]

Teacher:"This note from your father looks like your handwriting?"

Little Johnny:"Well, yes, he borrowed my pen!"

[johnnylee]

Daisy:“Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny:“I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

[johnnylee]

The teacher says,“Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and you’ve only done it 7 times.”
Little Johnny replies,“Well, ma’am, I guess my counting isn’t too good, either!”

[johnnylee]

The teacher asks,“What are you going to be when you get out of school?”
Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says,“An old man!”

[johnnylee]

The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.

Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that he’s finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.

“But Johnny, you didn’t paint anything on it?” says the teacher.

“Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away.”

[johnnylee]

Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board:“I didn’t had no fun for months.” Then she faces the class and says,“OK class, how should this be corrected?”

Little Johnny says,“I think you should get yourself a better man!”

[johnnylee]

Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents’ bedroom one night. He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head,“And these people tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose?!”

[johnnylee]

Teacher:"What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?"

Little Johnny:"I don't know, I wasn't invited!"