Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:26:08 GMT -5
Teacher:“I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tommy’s test paper.” Johnny:“I hope you didn’t see me either.”
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:29:37 GMT -5
Special appearance from the Original L Johnny 1972.
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:30:39 GMT -5
History teacher asks Little Johnny:"Where was the French – English peace treaty from 1800 signed?"
Little Johnny:“Bottom right corner.”
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:31:31 GMT -5
Teacher:"If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4?"
Little Johnny:"That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:32:00 GMT -5
Teacher:“Where’s the English Channel?” Johnny:“I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:32:32 GMT -5
Teacher:"Little Johnny, you are late to class again."
Johnny:"But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn."
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:34:34 GMT -5
Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.
Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear,"Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:35:21 GMT -5
Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. He walks up to her and says,"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:35:53 GMT -5
During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny "Have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"
"of course, miss" Johnny replies "My father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".
"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"
"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbor take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said 'it's going to take the contagious to pick all that up."
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:36:37 GMT -5
During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did. Little Johnny said that his father is a magician. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. Johnny said,“Well, he likes to cut people in half. I have two half-siblings.”
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:37:32 GMT -5
Teacher asks,“Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny pipes up,"HIJKLMNO"!
The teacher is puzzled,“What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?”
Little Johnny looks hurt,“But sir, you yourself said yesterday that it's H to O!”
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:38:21 GMT -5
Teacher asks Little Johnny,“Johnny, how old is your father?”
“He’s as old as me,” Johnny informs her.
“Now how would that be possible?” inquires the surprised teacher.
“Well – he became father the day I was born.”
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:39:35 GMT -5
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears.
When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.
Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby's lack of ears.
Johnny looks in the basonet and says "Wow, what a beautiful baby." The mother replies,'Why, Thanks, Johnny." Johnny says:"He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose, and really beautiful eyes. Is he able to see alright?"
"Yes", says the mum,"we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision."
"That is great", says Little Johnny,"cause he'd be screwed if he needed glasses!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:40:26 GMT -5
Teacher:"Who can tell me where Hadrians' Wall is?"
Little Johnny:"I suspect it's around Hadrian's garden!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:41:02 GMT -5
During an English lesson, the teacher asks,"Can anyone give me an example for the word ‘COINCIDENCE’?”
Little Johnny volunteers,"Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day."
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:41:50 GMT -5
At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying,"I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says,"I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says,"Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with,"I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says,"Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying,"I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says,"Then come give your real father a big hug!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:42:23 GMT -5
A science teacher wanted to teach her 6th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so she produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the teacher, putting a worm first into the water.
The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, she put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded,"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:43:12 GMT -5
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending."Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him,"I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had a look of obvious relief on his young face."Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:43:46 GMT -5
Little Johnny's teacher says to him,"Johnny! your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's!"
Did you just copy hers?, she asks.
Johnny says,"No, teacher, it is the same dog!"
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Date Joined: Mar 22, 2024 10:31:37 GMT -5
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Post by johnnylee on Mar 25, 2024 14:44:17 GMT -5
Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. His mother asks "What on earth are you doing Johnny?"
Johnny replies "The box says that you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken, I am looking for the broken seal."
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